Friday, May 7, 2010


Feast your eyes on cow patty pizza. "There's a new way to fix ground beef so that it looks and tastes like a glorified pizza." It doesn't just kind of look like a pizza, it's a GLORIFIED version of pizza! Press some ground meat into a patty, put in on some foil, dump a can of tomato soup on it, top with 3 slices of cheese and you have your next dinner party. The 5 lonely mushrooms give it a classic, minimalist look. Wouldn't want to over do this one with garnishes. It's glorious enough on it's own.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

At least it's not rabbit jello...

I can't imagine how these delectable flavors didn't stand the test of time to remain on the store shelves. I know many a day I've thought to myself "Some mixed vegetable or celery flavored jello would be so delicious, I wish that such a thing existed so that I could combine it with tuna, green peppers, olives, onions and Italian dressing."

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Careful With that Ax Eugene

Cigarettes “softened with fresh air”. Puts one in the mood to put on your Saturday afternoon cocktail party clothes, grab your man purse (hopefully full of more fresh air cigarettes) and go for a hike in the middle of nowhere. Only one isolated farm in sight. This poor couple is blissfully unaware that farm belongs to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre family, and Pa is sneaking up behind them with an ax....


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Most delicious pizza ever!

Although it's obvious just from the mouth watering photo, the ad copy makes sure we know that this is the " most mouth wateringly delicious pizza you've ever tasted anywhere." The paper thin crust, the ketchupy sauce, the sprinkling of powdered cheese product... One is instantly transported to the finest pizzerias of NYC or Chicago. I am somewhat worried about the guy in the white pants, ogling the busty redhead in the tight sweater. I think that he may be having a seizure.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I'm a manly dude!

It was way important to someone that this 11th Pillsbury Bake Off winner was perceived as a manly man! None of the women in this booklet have their height/weight listed. He's into race cars! He's joining the military! He's using his prize money to buy a power saw! I don't know, I'm still not convinced of his masculinity. I want to hear about how Donald wrestles alligators and is planning on taking his personal harem of strippers on a grizzly bear hunt in the Alaskan tundra.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Sea of Dreams

When I think seafood, my mind automatically goes immediately to seafood's most complimentary companion - green jello. Many jello dishes seem to feature the word "dream" in the name. Which is understandable. Who doesn't dream of jello salads?
This beauty is called "Sea Dream Salad". "Flavorful green rings to fill with shrimp". Mmmm. I wish that I had some flavorful green rings to munch on right now. To the jello you add cucumber, onion, cayenne pepper... If you really want to punch it up there is an alternate recipe for "cheese dream", adding cream cheese and green peppers. Shrimp (or tuna or canned salmon) is then nestled into the top. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Poor Plain Jane

People talk about the pressure girls feel to be beautiful these days. I'm convinced it's been like that since caveman times. Only the beauty standards change. Back in caveman times, Neanderthal girls stressed over not having a prominent brow ridge or enough body hair.
This article from the 1929 "Woman's Home Companion" magazine states that "Girls nowadays must be good looking." No beating around the bush or gray area there.
Luckily, most of the plain mothers of the day, even the sort of mother who has "sacrificed her own slim figure to a greedy appetite" were hopefully willing to do better by their child.
Thumb sucking should be strictly prohibited. "Many a girl has a mother to blame for a mouth that even lipstick can't love", because mom was lax with the thumb sucking.
"Adenoids should be taken out if the doctor prescribes it. They give a child that dumb, thick, uncomprehending look that puts her outside the company of those who seem quite bright." Ah yes, the anti dumb look surgery.
Luckily there was no need for rhinoplasty in the good old days, because baby noses are easily shaped by "judicious pinching and molding". But be careful how you blow that baby's nose. "Many god noses have been pulled entirely out of recognition by inexpertly handled handkerchiefs on children."
Dumbo ears can of course be easily fixed by taping them back.
Never forget that "children can be taught thatany ugliness of her body or clothing is an offense against good taste, and a defection from the ranks of those trying to make things more pleasant."
Sounds like striving to achieve Jennifer Aniston's body or a bigger set of breasts is a walk in the park compared to trying to be the perfect 1920s woman!